As though it weren't enough that we're being asked to believe that there are women out there who actually have these problems, we're expected to swallow the idea that they are so distraught that they've contacted the experts at GH to lead them out of the maze of horror that their lives have become.
The answers the experts gave were quite a bit different from what I would advise, should anyone ever burden me with these millstones.
So here goes:
Q: I used cooking spray on a non stick muffin tin and now there's sticky residue all over the pan. How can I remove it?
M: Easy peasy! Put on rubber gloves, pour three tablespoons of ammonia onto a paper towel, place the paper towel and the muffin tin into a plastic garbage bag, carry bag, towel and sticky tin out to the trash and throw it away. Go to the store and buy a new tin. They cost about $5.00.
Q: We use dry erase boards in my classroom and I'd rather not buy the cleaner for them Is there a way to make my own, cheaper version?
M: What for? I've had a dry erase board in my kitchen for years and I've never cleaned it once. Just wipe it off with a paper towel. Jeez, this isn't brain surgery.
Q: I love using my ceramic teapot and matching cups but now the interiors are stained with tea. How can I remove the brown tinge?
M: Who gives a bleep what color the inside of your teapot is?
Q: Please tell me the best way to get rid of the oven-baked garlic smell lingering in my apartment.
M: Open a window. Next month I'll tell you how to get rid of the vampires.
Q: My condo in Florida has a lot of mirrors. Over time they've become cloudy. We've tried cleaning them but nothing works. How can we bring back their luster?
M: Beats the hell out of me. I'd hang black fabric over them and tell visitors I'm in mourning. Or that I'm a vampire. Either way, black is slimming!