Caitlyn Jenner say’s “My brain is much more female than it is male…for all intents and purposes I am a woman.”
Really?
The men of Europa I were excited; today, the eagerly anticipated cargo was due to arrive! Having successfully terra formed the small moon upon which their colony was to be established, they’d sent for the final piece of the puzzle: their wives.
The Europa Project, known simply as ‘the corporation’, had spared no expense when it came to this, the first of their extraterrestrial outposts! The astronauts themselves had been hand-picked from thousands of applicants, undergoing rigorous physical, mental and emotional testing to ensure that the new colony had the best possible chances to survive. Hell, not just survive but thrive and perhaps make Darwin proud by producing the strongest, most intelligent and emotionally stable populace the human race had ever known!
The men had every reason to assume that the corporation had spent the same amount of time, money, energy and careful deliberation on the selection of women who would contribute 50% of the DNA of the new colony. In fact, Captain Strong had already received confirmation that the women due to arrive today had all received the Glamour Magazine designation as Women of the Year!
Captain Strong and his men were, quite honestly, a bit more than excited. They’d been on this rock for over a year and were bluer than Paul Bunyan’s ox.
Captain Strong was nearly shaking as he opened the first cryo pod and laid eyes on his new wife. Each of his men were similarly effected as they opened the pods and entered the codes that would awaken their sleeping beauties.
“What the fuck?” one of them was heard to exclaim. “Mine’s a dude!”
“So’s mine!” another cried in outrage. “What’s going on?”
“These are all dudes!” shouted a third.
“No, no!” Captain Strong assured his men. “They’re women! Look how long and shiny their hair is!”
“My hair is long and shiny!” one of his men answered. “We didn’t bring a barber to this rock with us!”
“But…but…” Captain Strong stammered as he checked out the rest of his wife. “We were promised women! Strong, intelligent, beautiful, emotionally stable women with whom we would start our new colony! Glamour magazine says they’re the best women on earth!”
The screens on the cryo pods lit up with a message from the corporation:
“Dear Sirs, thank you for your service. Just as you were chosen for this mission, we put years’ worth of effort into the search for your wives. Particular effort was put into finding women who were emotionally stable enough to endure the rigors of space flight and the isolation of colony life. Your days of being alone are over. Rest assured, for all intents and purposes, these are women. Happy Honeymoon!”
Captain Strong and his men read the brief message.
“That’s it?” one of them finally asked.
They closed the cryo pods and without further discussion, disabled the moon’s new life support system.
The last words spoken on the sad, dying little moon were “I just wanted to get laid.”
The End
For all intents and purposes, white male privilege has reached new heights.