…but I’m great at it.
We have some houseguests coming next week. They’re friends of ours from a previous life and they’ve got tix to the Ryder Cup and needed a place to crash. It will be great fun to see P, who hasn’t visited before. G has come to town several times and we always have fun. We’re not exactly entertaining them, since they have a long agenda of plans, which works really well for everyone.
But I do feel like I should clean the house.
I’d like to make a good first impression. While the house will degenerate into its natural state of disarray while they’re here, I think it would be rude not to dust and vacuum before they get here.
And I actually love the way the house looks when it’s clean.
It’s just that I’m very busy and unlike some people I know, I can sleep very well at night, even knowing that my kitchen floor is sticky.
So, the bathroom mats in the upstairs bath are done. I never loved them; they were too light a blue for that bathroom, which is white with navy accents. Josie loved them but she’s the one who told me they didn’t get very clean the last time she washed them.
Turns out, navy is outre this year. I went to Sam’s, TJ Maxx, Marhshall’s, Kohl’s, Herbergers, Burlington Coat Factory, Bed Bath and Beyond…no one had navy bath mats. The closest I could get was sort of an off teal.
I’ve come to dislike the color. It’s not blue, it’s not green, it’s the embodiment of politically correct weakness: commit, dammit!
Josie knows why that’s ironic.
Not only does no one carry navy, no one carries contour rugs to go around the toilet. What?? When did people decide they liked having their feet on the cold tile while sitting on the throne? I can't be the only one who likes to do crossword puzzles with warm feet. Did someone convince the rest of the world that men have such terrible aim that toilet rugs were a health hazard? I guess if you believe cows are bad for the environment, you’ll believe anything. Speaking of health hazards, why is everyone selling bath mats with no rubber backing? Are bathroom floors no longer made of tile, which can become slippery when wet? Are people no longer using water in the bathroom? Am I the only one who sees the danger potential in a rug that can slip out from under one’s feet? Given the choice between trusting Jay’s aim late at night or my own ability to plant my feet steadily while exiting the tub, I’ll risk stepping in a puddle of pee over the possibility of cracking my head on the sink. But that’s just me: I value my brain over the soles of my feet.*
I finally found what I wanted at Target.
I know: why didn’t I look there first?
Because I hate Target.
I may be the only person in Minnesota who hates Target but I do and not just because they fired my brother. I hate Target because they’re f***ing everywhere around here. We have more Target stores than parks and we’re internationally famous for having a park within six blocks of every residence in town. I hate Target because they offer no variety. They have an entire row of laundry detergent of every description, as long as you like Tide. They have tons of clothes, as long as you’re under 25 and between sizes 0-6. The Women’s section features nothing but drab sacks. I think they’re preparing us for burkas. Mostly I hate Target because everyone shops there so whatever you buy, all your neighbors and friends have the exact same thing. That’s boring and boring is the worst thing short of death and damnation.
But Target does understand that people want navy blue toilet mats with rubber backing. So there’s that. I bought the last one. THE LAST ONE.
I don’t know what the world is coming to when we run out of proper bath mats.
Then my afternoon took an abrupt turn for the better.
Heading back to my car, I saw in the distance a store I hadn’t visited before. I haven’t been in the market before.
It’s a Carter’s Baby store.
I had to check it out.
I haven’t heard Angels sing since the day I bought Katie’s white fur Christmas Coat in ’87 (just hours before she chopped off all her long, curly hair) but the Cherubim was harmonizing in the Carter’s store.
Everything was half off. The gal at the desk greeted me and asked if I’d been in before. Then she pointed out the back of the store was clearance.
I have a baby shower for a boy baby this weekend. I bought the cutest three-piece outfit I could find.
Then I hit the girl’s side of the store.
I just wanted to see what was there. I had no plans to buy anything but O MY GOSH there were some cute outfits!!
I found one that was too cute to forego. I did the math in my head, figured out how big Katie’s twins were likely to be by next summer and grabbed one. I didn’t want to buy two of the same so I kept looking to find another outfit equally cute so Boopity and Boop can match but not repeat each other. In the end, I bought two for each of them: One outfit in navy blue and white, the other in white with hot pink, each in the same fabrics but different styles. The discounts were so deep that my total expenditure was less than any one of them was originally marked.
I’ve found my new favorite store.
*which may as well be concrete.