Q: After multiple washings, the collars of my husband’s polo shirts have gotten creased and won’t lie flat. Any advice on getting them to behave?
A: Christ Almighty woman, get a job. You clearly have way too much time on your hands.
Q: What’s the best way to remove dust from my air-vent covers? It can take hours.
A: Seriously? That’s even stupider than the woman who didn’t know enough to vacuum her lamp shades. Same answer, though.
Q: I love cuddling with my two cats but their fur gets all over my clothes and it’s a pain to remove—I never really get rid of it all. How can I prevent it from sticking to.
A: You have the saddest life, ever.
Q: I have an oak kitchen table sealed with polyurethane. Over the years, I’ve used all kinds of cleansers and now the top of the table is sticky. How can I remove the residue?
A: Isn’t this just proof that obsessively cleaning is a waste of time? Your table would be just as sticky if you’d never wiped it off at all.
Q: My refrigerator is next to my stove and I think it’s cooking that’s caused the side of the white fridge to turn a yellowish color. Any tips that’ll get rid of that tint?
A: Refrigerator paint, duh! And don’t tell me it doesn’t exist; I am so sick of hearing that!