There’s a reason Satan offered the apple to Eve.
Think for just a moment; in Genesis, if the serpent had offered the forbidden fruit to Adam, what do you think is likely?
Let’s assume for just a moment that approaching Adam was Satan’s plan.
In the first place, the serpent would have had a very difficult time getting Adam’s attention. Why? Take any male you know, put him in the middle of a garden with a naked woman and what do you think will have his attention? How’s a snake supposed to catch his eye when there’s a naked woman picking oranges right in front of him?
There she is, the most beautiful woman in the world, buck naked, reaching above her head, her long, thick hair swinging as she decides the best fruit is just out of reach…so she jumps up and down.
At this point, a voice at Adam’s feet says, “ahem…how ya like them apples?”
“O boy!” Adam nods, happily. “Yep!”
“No, I meant; how would you like an apple?” Satan clarifies.
“Ohhh….now she’s reaching with both arms…Oh, she’s killing me.” Adam doesn’t look down.
“Hey. Down here.” The snake says firmly. “I got apples that’ll make you like God.”
“Eve! Hey, Evvvieee…lookit what I got for you!” Adam sings.
“That’s great, Honeybuns,” Eve says without looking “But I’m not going to be any good at all if I don’t get some food in me.”
“Eat this and you’ll be like God; you can make her look.” The serpent hisses.
“As far as she’s concerned I am like God.” Adam chortles, looking proudly at his nether region.
“Eat this and you’ll be like God to all creatures!” the snake commands.
“What other creatures?” Adam is staring dumbly as she starts to climb the orange tree. “Hoooboy.”
“Hey, lazyboner, want to give me a hand?” Eve calls.
“Sure, Sweet Cheeks!” Adam steps forward, eager to see the view from the ground.
“She thinks you’re stupid!” the snake hisses.
“I am stupid.” Adam shrugs. “So what; she’s smart. Daaaamn, she’s so smart. Looookit how smart she is.”
“Eat this and you’ll be the smart one!” Satan hisses in desperation as Adam moves away.
Adam finally looks at the snake. “What do you want?” he demands, eager to get to his naked wife, now swinging from a tree branch. “I got stuff to do!”
“I want to help you!” the snake says, seductively. “Wouldn’t you love to sink your teeth into this juicy, delicious—“
“I gotta go.”
“Eatthisandyou’llbe justlikeGod!” Satan abandons trying to seduce a man chasing a naked woman and goes for expediency. “God told you not to eat this because he doesn’t want any rivals! You can be like Him!”
“Why?” Adam looks down at the snake. Eve has climbed around the tree and is temporarily out of view.
“Why?” Satan repeats. “Whatya mean ‘why?’?”
“Why is that thing better than those?” Adam nods toward the orange tree.
“Wh-bu—“ Satan sputters, frustrated. “What part of ‘Be Like God’ don’t you understand?”
“Look, dude; I got all the food I need, a woman who’s as good to go as I am…who cares about the rest of it? Sounds like a major hassle to me.”
“What the Hell is wrong with You?!” the snake screams. “Eat the God Damned apple!”
“Adam!” Eve shouts angrily from up in the orange tree. “Are you gonna help me here, or what?”
“I gotta go.” Adam turns his back on the serpent.
“You’re in no condition to climb a tree.” Satan points out. “That bark looks rough and you’re…vulnerable.”
“Hmmm.” Adam looks at his crotch. Climbing a tree in his current (usual) state would certainly be problematic.
“Give her this!” The snake smiles and thrusts the apple into Adam’s hand.
“Right!” Adam smiles happily. “Thanks, Man!”
The serpent sighs in relief and smiles evilly; his plan is working. Adam runs to the orange tree and calls to Eve.
“Sweetie pie, I got you a little something! Come on down.” Adam watches eagerly as she carefully climbs down the tree, lowering herself toward him as he enjoys the view. She bounces lightly to the ground in front of him.
“What’s this?” she asks, smiling.
Like a gentleman, he offers her the apple, nearly breathless from the site of her dropping out of the tree in front of him. She looks at the apple in his hand.
“Where did you get this?” she asks, quietly.
“A talking dick gave it to me.” He replies.
She slaps the apple out of his hand. Then she belts him in the nose. “What is wrong with you??” she screams. “We’ve got the whole world at our disposal! Everything we could possible need or want! We can eat oranges, pineapples, berries, bananas, avacados, carrots, potatoes and God even hinted that the animals had some kind of great surprise and all He said was ‘lay off the apples’ and what do you, Mr. Me-So-Horny go and do but offer me an apple??!! Are you out of your itty bitty mind??”
After she had scolded the wood right out of Adam she’d have told him “Go crush that damn snake beneath your heel and stay away from the apples!!”
“Crap.” Satan says, slithering away as fast as he can. “I shoulda offered it to the chick.”
For thousands of years, Woman has held the Keys to the Kingdom. She has been the prize, the goal, the power and the hand behind the advance of civilization. When society reached a point where she no longer needed the brute strength of a man to protect her from nature, Satan offered her another apple.
“Eat this,” he said, back in the dawn of Eden. “It will make you like God.”
“Eat this,” he said, at the dawn of the sexual revolution. “It will make you like Man.”
We’ve become a cheap sell.