The other day, Zack and I watched Christmas Vacation. It was fun, so I’m watching other Christmas movies.
Tonight: Lethal Weapon.
Yes it is.
I haven’t seen this movie in a long time so I’m interested in seeing if it holds up.
Opening scene: Kristen Bell’s mom is lying on a bed in a fancy pants hotel. She’s alone, wearing nothing but lacey white stocking. I remember the ‘80s. That’s what we gals did when we were home alone: we stripped down to our panties, laid around and did coke. Oh wait, I didn’t. I had two little kids by the time this movie came out. I may have felt like I was doing coke but it was just sleep deprivation.
First impression: Mel Gibson rocks the hell out of that mullet. 30 years ago, that man was a force of nature. I remember there being a lot of buzz before the picture came out because Mel flashes his butt in his first scene. It was such a hit that for a few years, the rumor was that Mel’s contract stipulated he get to flash his fanny in every movie. No wonder the poor guy went nuts. I'd drink myself crazy if the whole world were clamoring for a glam at my downtown cheeks, too.
No one wants to see Mel’s nethers anymore. Okay, I kinda do.
Martin Riggs (Gibosn's character) may be crazy but he took out a school sniper and a pack of heroin dealers in a day. I’m not sure if he’s supposed to be suicidally depressed or just plain nuts although for the sake of the plot, it doesn’t matter. The point is that he has no fear and no one wants to work with him.
Why would they let a homicide detective go up to talk down a jumper? Good thing the guy chose a building with a three foot wide ledge. Wait a minute. Why was a homicide detective running point on a drug sting?
Do cops watch cop movies? If they do, do they laugh their butts off at how dumb they are?
Or do they just find them entertaining, like professional wrestling?
Falling into the saran wrap pool cover would be horrible! Good thing the guy was full of bullet holes: he probably didn’t drown.
Okay, Martin and Roger have been partners for two whole days and Martin has killed (at least) three people and jumped off a building. They're homicide detectives who drive around town, looking for crimes to solve. It’s the wild west. Mel plays a drug dealer in Tequila Sunrise who isn’t nearly the menace to society that this cop is. At least everyone he’s killed has been an armed bad guy.
Whoa. Blowing up Dixie the working girl’s house seems like overkill.
And then a helicopter appears out of nowhere and kills the banker!! I want to write a story where a helicopter appears out of nowhere. Cuz you know, helicopters are super quiet.
Okay, Buddy Holly just shot Braveheart and thinks he’s dead. But he’s not! So that’s the good guys secret weapon: the element of surprise.
This movie sure moves along at a brisk clip. Something gets blown up or shot every thirty seconds or so.
Now the bastards have Murtaugh’s daughter. Bastards! Time for Mel to put on his shootin’ pants.
Buddy Holly just called the police to find out if Riggs was dead. The cop who answered the phone told him Riggs was dead, then asked “who is this?” What possible answer could he have been looking for? "Oh, it's me, Buddy Holly. I just needed to know if I killed him or need to kill him again. thanks."
Now Murtaugh asked Riggs if he was crazy, or really as good (at shooting) as he says. Riggs drew a smiley face on his target at the gun range with bullet holes. A smiley face!! Obviously, being crazy and good are not mutually exclusive.
I would have liked it if he'd drawn a smiley face on the chest of any one of the baddies he dispatches during the movie.
Every once in a while, our partners go back to Murtaugh’s house, which is all decorated for Christmas, reminding us that this is a Holiday movie.
Shoot out in the desert. Why wouldn’t the baddies just kill Riggs and Murtaugh? Why take them both prisoner? Oh, right; they need to torture them to find out if the cops know when and where the next heroin shipment is coming in. It would be so much easier just to change those details but in the days before cell phones, whattya gonna do?
Riggs just strangled the torturer with his feet then climbed the wall to get off the meat hook. I love it! Despite having spent the last half hour being electrocuted, he managed to disarm and kill everyone and rescue his partner and the damsel in distress. It's almost as good as the time Jack Bauer had a heroin addiction for breakfast and kicked it by lunch time. It always bugs me that the females in these situations never do anything but weep and scream. No imagination.
Hey, Hollywood: women DO have survival instincts. Not only that but when I was sixteen, if I’d spent an hour watching someone torture my Dad, I’d have desecrated their bodies after Riggs shot them full of holes. You’d be surprised how ferocious most of us will get if our loved ones are threatened. And we hold grudges.
“Okay, here’s the plan, Rog: we’re gonna trash your whole house. But don’t worry, your family won’t be home. You’ve got State Farm, right?”
You know how you can tell this would never happen in real life? Several squad cars arrive to find an officer dead, a fire hydrant broken, a pair of white guys fighting on the lawn and when the black guy runs up waving a gun, no one shoots him.
Braveheart just refrained from breaking Buddy Holly’s neck, saying “he’s not worth it.” This, from a guy who killed over a dozen people in the last three days alone. What an insult.
So they shoot Buddy Holly together and are best friends forever!
What a great movie.