Q: I purchased a pair of black jeans and either the fabric or the dye is giving off a terrible odor. Any tips for getting rid of the smell?
A: Wherever you go, there you are. Take a shower once in a while, Stinkypants.
Q: I left a plastic grocery bag on a stove burner that was still hot. The bag melted and got stuck. How can I remove it?
A: Was this at your ex boyfriend’s house? Good one.
Q: I live in the South and my favorite white clothes are always getting stained by sweat and sunscreen. My friends have the same problem. Can you help us get these items clean again?
A: But Darling; the sweat stains are how everyone can tell you’re authentically Southern!
Q: I wear my bracelet wristwatch nearly every day and I’m beginning to see grime build up on it. What is the best method for cleaning its stainless steel links?
A: Jeez, use your cell phone to tell you the time like everyone else in the 21st century.
Q: A skunk sprayed my house and the odor lingers in my mattress. How can I fix this—and keep the critter away?
A: You have skunks in your bed? And here I thought pit stains were the grossest part of being Southern. I learn something new every day.